Warning: I apologize for the length of this post. Considering its 4:35am and this subject has once again caused me to lose sleep, this could be a bit long.
Ok so back in April we (Dan and I) were facing a challenge, nothing that we couldn't overcome, just a situation that had developed over the previous six months and like many other times in our long relationship we had to link arms and walk through a tough time as a team. We are great at being a team, but this particular mountain was leaving us weary to say the least. The toughest day, came on a Tuesday night the end of April. This wasn't a situation we had shared with our parents because no one was sick, and to be honest it wasn't anything that they could help solve, it was simply something that we were faced with. However, the Thursday following that tough Tuesday evening, my parents called with an invitation like none we had ever received...2 weeks paid vacation to Orlando. We listened respectfully as my parents explained that the first week would be a family reunion with the entire Brown clan including 29 grandchildren and all of my siblings. The second week would be just our family of four, at the same resort - a gift from the previous Christmas that we had not used. We listened to all the details and my Dads sales pitch about endless pools, in room babysitting provided by the hotel, great restaurants and how important it is to 'get away'. My parents are adorable, so as much as we wanted to say yes, we declined. Declined? Yes declined, because just months prior we had read an amazing book titled Radical that had affirmed our desires of how we wanted to spend our time here on earth and trips to Disney were in direct contradiction to every page. So a week or two went by and our conviction not to go didn't change. During this same time Dan and I were preparing for a mission trip to Haiti, our first time leaving Kadan and Jaxan. Radical, is a beautiful book and if I could summarize it in a sentence I'd say this, We are only blessed by God so that we can offer blessings to the world. Haiti would be a great opportunity to bless others and we couldn't be happier to go and be a conduit of God's love to the Haitian people. Our Haiti trip overshadowed the difficult time that we were still in and also took away any temptation to accept the vacation offer that was still solidly on the table. During our week in Haiti we missed the boys terribly. I cried several times, asking Dan to figure out a way to have the boys fly to Port au Prince. If this request would have been fulfilled, we likely would have stayed the entire summer and maybe forever. But to my dismay the boys remained in Michigan and in a blink our week was over and we were flying back to the U.S. Did I mention that this post may be long???
Ok, so back in Adrian in early June, we were continuing to walk through our challenge and although Haiti gave us a renewed love for serving others and 'being Radical' we as a family were feeling the toll of the past few months and simply wearing out. June is also the time of year when my work schedule requires me to work almost double my regular hours. This particular summer Dan had also agreed to take on a part time position with the non-profit I work for because we were unable to find a certified chemistry/physics teacher and Dan the Renaissance Man, was the directors top choice. So life was exhausting...family time was scarce and we started to long for a vacation. On Sundays, when we did get time together we started joking about how nice the Orlando vacation would be and how Radical had 'ruined our life'. Reading Radical didn't really ruin our life, in fact it actually just confirmed the choices that the Spirit of God had been teaching us for the past four years about stewardship, our responsibility to the poor and our ability to be the church to the 'least of these'. Nonetheless, we were tired. Life had been challenging for the past six months and the feelings of being burn out was creeping in. So we began to pray. We also began to camp and as often as possible we'd pack up and retreat to any campground we could find. During one of these camping getaways, something hit me...the missing piece of our wonderful Haiti trip...the boys. God's presence in Haiti was thick and although we loved every minute of our time there, it always felt incomplete without Kadan and Jaxan. Is this also how my parents would feel without our family in Orlando? We love my parents, they are wonderful, you should meet them :) The question became more of a statement and yes indeed we had missed the real reason for such an amazing offer - Orlando would be a blessing to my parents as much or more so than it would be for us. And without the four of us they might have the same feeling of incompleteness that we wrestled with in Haiti. In the next few days we contemplated the trip and then finally made a decision...we would go to Florida, spend one week with the rowdy Brown clan and stay an additional week and enjoy every minute of precious family time - our favorite thing in the world!!! At the risk of sounding dramatic, I do have to say that as we were getting ready to call my parents and accept this vacation, you would have thought we were about to step out of a plane and skydive. We kept saying, 'are we really doing this?', 'this is crazy...2 weeks...what are we doing?'. After calling we had a bit more peace since we had finally landed on a decision, but the conflict remained in our hearts. Would the community that we love so much at Mosaic think we were hypocrites for accepting such a lavish gift? Would this trip lure us back to the life we used to live that included elaborate vacations and other monies spent on treating ourselves, while neglecting the poor and broken? Would we lose our heart for Haiti and the amazing work of our missionary friends in Kenya and be swept away into the American disease of self-centeredness? Or would it simply be a vacation, a pure blessing for a loving Heavenly Father, that might fill our hearts to overflowing so that we can return to our community healthy and eager to love and live Radically once again?
Since we've accepted this overwhelming gift, a few more crazy things have happened. We were given 2 day passes for our family to go the Magic Kingdom (something we certainly wouldn't have done) from a retired couple that we met camping. They both had worked for Disney and their retirement package allows them to bless others with trips to Disney, and as only God could align, we met them, became fast friends and they have insisted that we take the boys. What?! We also opened a Chase Disney Visa card, and for only using it one time then cutting it up faster than Dave Rasmey, we received a $200 Disney gift card that can be used anywhere 'Disney'. And the final kicker is this...I am typing from a hotel in Indianapolis where Dan will be speaking at a church this weekend. To my surprise, the church has not only paid for ALL our expenses this weekend, but they have also paid Dan very generously. We now have all of the cash we will need for 2 weeks in Orlando. Are you beginning to see why I am thankful and yet totally overwhelmed? I feel the like the people on the commercials who opened their door to see Ed McMan holding a million dollar check!
The moral of this crazy long blog is this....The Creator of the Universe loves us. He loves His children even more than we love our own precious children. And as much as He wants us to be the tangible love to this hurting world, He also wants to model that love to us. Now I'm not saying that we should ever expect such generosity from the one who made us, our very breathe is more of a gift than we deserve, but I am saying that when we are blessed we need to pause and recognize that we are loved by the God more than we can comprehend. I am making a choice to stop feeling guilty and to start being grateful. So at 5:53am let me publicly say thank you Jesus for a gift that is so generous that its overwhelmed me for months and I love you too!
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