Meet Danika Joy aka DJ. This is my one and only girl. She is precious to me and evidence of wild grace. My boys were all prayed for. Danika however, was a childhood dream so big that I never even brought the idea of her to God in petition. I loved to fantasy about having a girl, named Danika, but never felt audacious enough to ask. She is 5 and full of life...a little spicy at times and deeply compassionate!
The responsibility to raise her to fear God in holy reverence that leads to wisdom is daunting. She is incredibly sweet and equally resolved at times. She loves what she loves (cuddling with a movie) and hates what she hates (vegetables and cleaning her room). So I tiptoe at times and question myself regularly. How do I love her well? How do I leave such a strong impression of love that will have deep, lifelong roots?
Relational equity. This phrase is a core value of parenting in our home. It simply means that we have nurtured relationship so well, that we have earned/saved/invested in our relationships for the future. It is a conscience effort to till the soil of our children's heart, in hopes of reaping a harvest-connection later in life. We are working daily with every moment we get with the Entrusted to leave an impression.
Think of the artistic days of play-Do or perhaps you've been fortunate enough to hold actual clay. Remember silly putty? These forms of matter can be manipulated with pressure. You are able to change their shape with firm hands, giving the lifeless object structure. This is true of children too. As the guiding adults, we have an awesome task of applying firm, sturdy parameters and expectations to the young years in the home as well.
But warmth is the secret, often overlooked ingredient. Like play-Do, taking time to hold the matter in your hands or perhaps holding A HAND, is so important. I suppose with enough force you could force a new shape and get the objective you were after, but with warmth the process is so much smoother...for both the artist and the creation, the parent and the child.
Firm is crucial. Our children feel safe when there are clear and unchangeable rules. Firm will create the order necessary to establish routines and rhythms that make a home functional. Firm is focused on behavior. But warmth, chases the heart and wins the relationship. Warm is the follow up hug and gentle conversation. Warm is the cozy hot chocolate after 30 minutes of snowy, outdoor play. Firm is the non-negotiable bedtime. Warm is the story before the light is turned off. Firm is the set-in-stone date night. Warm is making sure the sitter is one the kids love!
And here is where God affirmed that this was actually all his idea in James 5:
"The Lord is full of compassion and mercy. (Warmth) v.11b ... Let your "Yes" be yes, and your "No," no, or you will be condemned." (Firm) v.12b
Today, it is extremely likely that I will falter as I try to balance my firm and warmth toward my neighbors in our home. But by grace, God the Father will never falter with me, his daughter. He will meet with perfect resolve to continue the good work He is doing in me. But I know the tenderness of the process so well. Thankfully my only real responsibility is to pass on the example our Heavenly Father leaves with us, His children.
"Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, Israel." Jeremiah 18:6
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